Nonnie

My mom died on December 3, 2002. Cancer. And, since then, I have done so many big things in my life- graduated with my masters, got a rocking job, bought a townhouse, met the most amazing man, and had boogie. It was hard to plan a wedding alone- I have great friends and family who offered to help, but most people have their own lives and it is only a mom who stops their life to figure out what flavor cake you should have. I have been ok with all of that. But, now that boogie is around it is hard at the weirdest times. I don't know if hard is the word, but it is just a sadness that isn't like other times you feel sad- ya get it? The days I get frustrated with him and just need someone to say " I can take him- you go and get some things done" or when the husband and I would like to go on a date, but I stress over asking people and don't want to bother them. This may sound selfish or just childish but I miss my mom because Boogie would have a rocking wardrobe! Pedicures? Yep the same thing. My mom would grab (sneak) my dad's $$ and we would have lunch and get our nails done and I miss that soooooo much! Plus who else can you call to vent to and know that they don't pass judgement on you or turn around and call the next person to share what you just told them? There are 100 things I could write this minute about not having her around. Sure my mom drove me nuts many many days but I would take that back in no time. I guess you can't predict what is ahead for anyone, I would never have thought that she of all people would not be in my life. I have really tried to find blessings in it. I learned to do thing for myself- laundry, cooking, cussing people out- oh wait, I don't do that but my Joanie would! I have learned to rely on myself and I have to say I am really proud of the fact that I CAN do things for myself, I do ask for help, but I can rely on ME. I do get a little paranoid that my dad is going to get sick and now every headache I have it a brain tumor- can you say hypocondriac?? I want her to see what a great man the husband is and how we are both so dumb- like a smart/dumb/silly/love each other lots that she would love him to bits too. I want her to see what a kind heart Boogie has already. I know that I am so lucky to have had 23 years with her and I don't take that for granite. Anyway, not trying depress the blog today, but I really don't talk about how those little things can totally make you cry in the middle of the day, or the middle of the mall, or even in the middle of church (Kelly knows what I am talking about)! I got this quote to put in our room and I heart it...." Sometimes it is the littlest things that take up the most room in your heart".....love that! So enjoy the little things and silly things about people and let them know you love them even on days you don't really like them! One day I will get to see her again, in perfect health and get to see all that she enjoying, protecting, and praying for up there!